Brant Read online

  Yes, the zoo. I absolutely love it there. In fact, I spend many of my days off roaming around the zoo or simply sitting near the pandas, reading whatever book I’m currently obsessing over. The zoo’s pandas—Goa Goa, Bai Yun, and Xiao Liwu—bring me peace almost on a daily basis. Most people who live where I do would choose to go to the beach, but not me—I’m a zoo girl. Bring on the chaos of the children running amuck and the animals going insane. To me, it’s complete bliss. Something about all the wildness around me puts me at ease.

  The days I’m not able to go? I’ll admit to leaving the live panda cam up and streaming on my laptop. I’m not ashamed. Those black and white balls of fluff bring me joy, and in my world, joy is hard to find, so I take it where it comes. These days, my life is filled with sunshine and rainbows. Brant and his storm clouds can stay firmly in the friend corner.

  His kisses alone may have nearly brought me to orgasm, but us being friends is the appropriate thing to do. No one has this knowledge but me, and it’s going to stay with me alone. The nickname can stay; it’s the only thing I’ll allow myself to keep. Friends and a nickname—there’s no harm in that, right?

  This time when Brant knocks on my door, I’m ready for him. The threats of the morning before fade away—I no longer want to hack his manhood off for ringing my doorbell and waking me. His family jewels are safe, at least for today.

  Answering the door, I’m surprised to see his hands full of coffee and bagged pastries again. If this is how he’s going to meet me each time we make plans, I could get used to it. Coffee is my one true vice—well, maybe not my only one, but it’s damn near close. Saying it’s the only one I allow myself daily is the accurate way to describe it.

  “I come bringing gifts again this morning—coffee, the way you like it, and more brownies,” he says while handing me the bag and walking past me into my house. Who invited him inside?

  “Um…I thought we’d go ahead and leave if it’s okay? The zoo gets insanely busy around the time school gets out. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s busy all day with field trips and vacationers, but I love the chaos. If we make it before my friend Louie is off shift, you can meet Goa Goa, and trust me, you want to meet Goa Goa.” I’m rambling, and I don’t know why I’m rambling. Could I actually be nervous to spend alone time with him? We spent some time just the two of us in Cancun a few months back, so it’s not totally new. I mean, it is, but it isn’t…now I’m not making sense. My thoughts seem to be coming out jumbled.

  “Sure, okay, we can leave now. I’m sure there are napkins in with the brownies. From the sound of it, I think you’ve had enough coffee, which is beneficial to me because it means I can drink yours.”

  The sound coming from my mouth can only be described as a growl. Come to think of it, maybe I will cut off his manhood. He brings me coffee only to take it away? Oh, hell no.

  “If you do, I’ll forever think of you as a thief.” A nut-less thief, I silently add.

  “Easy, Cherry. I’ll let you keep your coffee.” He extends the cup in his right hand to me, and I grab the coffee faster than he can snap out his next thought. I am the Flash, Ace. “Now tell me who Gow Gow is and why I want to meet them.”

  “Him—it’s a him, and it’s Goa with an A, not a W,” I correct.

  “Okay, now tell me who he is,” he says as we proceed down the steps toward his rental, which is parked along the curb in front of my house.

  “He’s a giant panda, one of three living at the zoo. He was brought here from China in 2003, and before then he was living at a sanctuary there pretty much since he was born. He actually was born in the wild and found injured when he was around a year old, treated, and released, but sadly, he was brought back into the facility because he wasn’t adapting to the wild. The three years he had spent in captivity must’ve been too much. He’s slightly older now, and I never get to see him on the cams throughout the day. On the days when Louie is working, he lets me sneak back and watch Goa Goa. If I’m super lucky, he lets me give him his leaf-eater biscuits.”

  He takes my hand and helps me up and into the truck. Why he rented a truck for while he’s here, I have no idea. In fact, I have no clue why he’s driving today instead of me.

  “Why are you driving? If I’m showing you around, wouldn’t it make more sense for me to drive?” I ask.

  “Because we’re going to the zoo and I happen to know how to get there. Finish telling me about Goa Goa—why’s he away from the public eye? When you feed him these biscuits, do you interact with him, as in touching him?”

  “If I told you all of my secrets, I’d have to kill you,” I reply while bashfully winking at him. Oh, shit, did I actually just wink at him? Who am I—Rhys? “Um, forget I winked at you. I didn’t mean it. Carry on, my wayward son.” Shit, now I’m quoting song lyrics, and all because I’m suddenly thinking about Sam Winchester. He seems to always get flak from Supernatural fans. I mean, I’m absolutely a team Sam girl—I’d totally pick him over his brother, Dean. Honestly, in real life I’d pick Jared over Jensen.

  “Ace?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Make the thoughts running wild in my brain shut the fuck up, please.” There, I added a please; I’m at least attempting to be all nice and shit.

  “I’ve been trying to keep you on the subject—you’re the one veering off. That said, why would I change course when I think it’s cute?”

  Cute? What am I, a zoo attraction? I’m a rambling idiot—me, Tessa Annabelle, who’s always teased Averill when she gets nervous and rambles on about stupid shit. If she could hear me now, she’d be roaring with laughter.

  “I’m glad you find my nervousness amusing,” I reply, my voice coming out much harsher than I intended. Great, now I’m reprimanding him. He’s going to think I’m even more insane than I am. Do you care? Actually, I don’t. When it comes down to it, I don’t. He’s nothing more than a friend anyway, so what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? It doesn’t.

  “Why are you nervous?” His rich baritone breaks through my thoughts.

  “I’m not.” Lie.

  “You said you were,” he counters.

  “I did?”

  “Yes, less than a minute ago.”

  “Huh. It must’ve been a lie, because I’m not nervous.” Liar. “I’m scatterbrained this morning, but not nervous. Maybe I meant to say it.” Smooth, real smooth. “Anyhow, back to Goa Goa—due to his age, his health is declining, and he doesn’t spend much time out and about. Pandas are, for the most part, solitary animals. The only time they spend together is to mate, and otherwise, they’re apart. The exception to the rule is a mama and her cub. Even in captivity, they’re reasonably solitary, choosing to spend most of their time sleeping in the trees. And yes, I’ve touched him, and he’s touched me. He’s a gentle bear. I trust him.” More than I trust any man.

  “Hopefully, we get there before Louie is off from his shift, but as a special VIP or whatever, are you allowed special access to some of the animals anyway?”

  It’s like he’s studied the zoo’s website; otherwise how else would he know what privileges I have and what I wouldn’t have access to?

  “Wait a minute…did I tell you I’m a donor?”

  “Yeah, yesterday morning as we were making the plans for today. How would I know if you hadn’t told me?”

  “I don’t recall telling you…it must’ve slipped my mind. I’m blaming it on the early-as-hell wake-up call—you know, the one where I threatened to unman you for breaking the cardinal Tessa rule of never waking me before 10 a.m. Oh, I know!” I exclaim fairly loudly. In fact, he puts his hand over the ear closest to me. “Sorry.” In a quieter tone, I continue on, “Maybe when we leave the zoo we should stop by my friend’s tattoo shop. He’d have no problem tatting the reminder somewhere on you…maybe your wrist.” Rubbing my hands together, I’m now on a new mission: get Brant a strange-as-fuck tattoo. “I mean, maybe not all of the words, but it could be a couple of cherries next to an antique clock striking 10 a.m
.. It’s perfect! What do you say, Ace?”

  “Jesus, you certainly are scatterbrained this morning. How many cups of coffee did you have before I arrived?” His tone would appear to anyone else who didn’t know him to be in jest, but it’s not, at least not to me. To me, it feels like he’s judging me for my hyperactive brain. The thing is, he’s known me long enough to know about my condition. Today has started out as a disaster, and I’m hoping spending some time with my giant panda pals will put me more at ease. If not, I’m thoroughly fucked. Brant shared his deepest, darkest, most earth-shattering secret with me, so you’d think I could tell him this tiny one about me.

  I’m an adult suffering from ADHD.

  And to make matters worse, I’m embarrassed about every single aspect of it. Trust me, I know I shouldn’t be. There are plenty of adults who suffer the same as I do. It’s never been a huge issue for me when it comes to the time I spend with Averill, Rhys, or Brant. Averill does know, but she’s the only one. Rhys has never experienced hyper Tessa, but it looks like Brant has been with her all morning already and wasn’t warned ahead of time.

  Shit.

  “None. The cup you handed me is my first, and I’ve barely taken two sips. I feel like I should explain a few things to you, only because you’re witnessing them at this moment. Av knows, but she used to work with me, therefore she needed to know. You? You’ve never needed to know before now.” Taking a deep breath in, I sigh as I let it all out. “I suffer from adult ADHD. It makes my mind jump from one subject to another to another. I can start off a sentence talking about pandas and end the same sentence by bringing up tattoos.”

  He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t turn to glance at me. In fact, he keeps his eyes on the road and concentrates on nothing but the road for the rest of the ride to the damn zoo. Not one stupid word is uttered until we arrive.

  “Do you have a special area for parking or do I use the general parking?”

  What? He broke the silence to ask about parking?

  We’re stuck in this awkward silence limbo, and he breaks it by asking where to park.

  “I’ll tell you where to park it,” I mumble under my breath. “Up your tight-as-hell ass.”

  “I don’t think this F250 would fit up there, but hey, you never know. Now tell me where to actually park.”

  “You can drop me off at the gate and go park over in the paid parking area. Since you insisted on driving, we don’t have my parking pass. I’ll meet you inside because now, after thinking about it, I remember my membership pass only includes one additional guest per year”—lie, lie, lie—“and since Av already used it, you’ll have to pay your way today. Sorry.”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I slide down from his passenger seat and quickly make my way over to the donor entrance. I’m inside and on my way over to see Goa Goa before Brant has succeeded in parking his massive truck. What an asshole. I tell him one of my secrets and he doesn’t offer one word of comfort or anything. I’d have been cool if he’d said, How awful, having something like ADHD must suck for you, but nope, nothing. Radio silence.

  The jerk.

  Who cares if I’m lying about his fee to get into the zoo? He hurt my feelings, and he can shell out the hundred dollars for the day, plus the extra thirty or whatever it is now for parking, and I’ll smile the whole time he does it. The extra ten percent I save at the food carts? Yeah, totes not happening today. Ignore my ADHD issue by acting like an ass and see what it costs you—literally.

  Chapter Four

  Brant

  It took a while, but I finally found her near the giant panda exhibit. Whatever I said—or in this case, didn’t say—we’ll hash it out. Me being the dumbass I am, I was processing what she had shared with me. Before today, I never would’ve thought she had an issue concentrating. Now, I’ll think of it as one of her quirks. We all have them, and we should embrace them.

  Rhys has tons of them; in fact, I’ve stopped keeping track of his oddities.

  Me? Yeah, I have a few as well, though nothing as serious as ADHD.

  I wonder if she takes medication for it.

  The second the thought enters my mind, it leaves. Why would she want to take medicine to alter who she is? She’s perfect as is; no imperfections are seen by me. Who cares if her thoughts run sideways from time to time? It’s endearing.

  I’m going to tell her as much, just as soon as I reach her. The problem is, she’s inside with the pandas, and I, sadly, am not. When she mentioned maybe feeding the older male, I was jumping up and down with glee on the inside. Who wouldn’t want to feed a panda bear and get to say they touched one? When she was filling me in on his story, I was amazed by how much she knew about him, how happy thinking of the animal made her.

  She gazes up and sees me approaching, and it’s then I notice a stocky older gentleman headed my way.

  “Are you Brant?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Follow me. Miss Tessa says you’re with her. Word of advice, don’t appear to be afraid of our ol’ boy. He’s a gentle creature. I’ll let you assist with feeding and be on your way. Most folks don’t get this special treatment, but I have a soft spot for Miss Tessa.”

  His statement is laced with affection, and it makes my heart swell. Knowing she has someone here close by and in her corner means the world to me.

  “Thank you. Louie, is it?” He nods in confirmation. “I’m happy to hear about your soft spot for her. I’ve known her for a while now, and she has a way of crawling up under your skin and staying there. I’m planning to stick around forever if she’ll let me.”

  The moment the words leave my mouth, I realize the intensity of them. Forever. Until this moment, I’ve never thought about what claiming her means. It means a white picket fence, two-point-five children, soccer games, PTA meetings, fighting and making up, always having her back, never going to bed angry, and loving her for the rest of my life. It’s a commitment, a life free of crime, which I’ve always known but am only now grasping the true meaning of.

  I have no right pulling her close until I’m free.

  What if Vincent finds out and uses her against me somehow?

  Or worse, what if I bring trouble to her doorstep the way Rhys did to Averill?

  Choosing to make my move now is a selfishly stupid decision. Seeing her standing there bursting with happiness just from seeing Goa Goa, I know what I have to do: I have to push her away again in order to keep her safe.

  Louie wordlessly hands me a bucket and proceeds to lead the way over to Cherry and her furry friend.

  Making plans in my head for how to tell her, I know tonight will be the perfect night for it. I’ll start off by telling her my reasoning for holding Rhys’s letters from him—and trust me, it was a valid reason. Eventually it’ll lead back around to the subject of us becoming an ‘us’ now. She knows how badly I want her. Now she’ll have to learn to adjust to me going back to the asshole version of myself. Hopefully, the setting will keep her calm. I’m not thinking she’ll have much to say about it since she claims she doesn’t want to be more than friends, but what she doesn’t understand yet is that I have to take away the friendship part now, too.

  It’s for her own protection.

  At least until I work this last job. Once I know for certain it’s truly my last assignment, I’ll be coming back for her full force. I pray she’ll be ready for me.

  After apologizing to Tessa no less than ten times throughout our time at the zoo, you’d think I wouldn’t be excited about seeing her again this evening. But, I am. Hearing her laugh at the elephants playing in the water and spraying full trunks into the crowd was the highlight of my day.

  I’ll never tire of hearing her laugh.

  Instead of me picking her up, she’s meeting me at my hotel downtown. It’s closer to where we decided to go to dinner and I didn’t want to fight her on it, so I caved and am letting her meet me here.

  Glancing at my watch, I see she’s running a couple minutes behind. Using them to my advantag
e, I quickly head into the bathroom for one last attempt to empty my bladder. Not saying I’m going to kiss her again or anything—especially since I plan on pushing her away, again—but I have this fear of having an unimaginably hard erection while having to pee. Talk about painful. It’s happened once before, and if I have anything to say about it, that won’t be happening ever again.

  As I’m rinsing off my hands, I hear her knock on the door. Perfect timing.

  “Hey, Cherry. Wow. You look stunning.” The words effortlessly leave my lips before I’ve taken in any more of her body than her face, but I mean every word. Taking a longer perusal now, I see my words were well placed. Letting out a low whistle, I glance up into her sapphire eyes and see something new flash across them, a look I’ve never seen from her.

  Approval.

  She likes my wolf whistle?

  Color me shocked.

  Choosing to ignore it for now, I take her hand gently in mine and start leading the way down the hallway toward the elevator. If I had invited her in, things would have gone to shit city in less than two seconds. I’d never succeed in pushing her away; I’d only want to pull her closer, so leaving upon her arrival is better for both of our sanity.

  “Have you ever been to Rushado?” I ask as the elevator doors ping and begin to open at the lobby.

  “Yes, only once. The man I was seeing around the time of the wedding took me.”

  “Was seeing?”

  “Yes, Ace, was seeing. I’m single now and shall continue leading a solitary life, thank you very much. I have enough on my plate without adding a boyfriend to the mix. Do you know how many extra hours’ worth of therapy classes or sessions I’ve had to endure in order for someone like me to run a successful business? A fuck ton. Not to mention, I have more coming up, and I do it all without succumbing to the use of medication.”

  Okay, okay, she’s angry, but I can deal with a feisty version of her. Crying? Not so much.